26 and never been in a relationship!

The Waiting Series

26 and never been in a relationship!

#Special Edition

 

 “Why are you so single?”

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

John 15:5

  

I think this will be the very first time of doing an introduction of myself here on the Waiting Series blog. Ok, let’s get right into it.

 I’m Ifeoluwa Gbadamosi. I’m 26, and yes, as the topic suggests I have never been in a relationship. 

As a teenager I met guys who were interested in me. I had friends that I was also attracted to. In my early teens, I had three male friends that I was attracted to (at different times). The feeling was mutual and they really wanted more than friendship. I must confess that I also wanted more than just being friends with them (pre-marital sex out of it though), but there was always this constraint about agreeing or committing to being their girlfriends. I remember we’d talk late into the night. Oh goodness, extra-cool days! Until eventually I resolved by the help of the Holy Spirit to just stop communicating with them on the premises of pushing back and forth on the matter of being more than just friends, or even close friends because I was really close to two of them in particular. It was hard for me as well. I know they most likely would not agree with me, but it was. You know, I was becoming fond of them and enjoying communication with them. I just didn’t have peace to go further. I tried, but it was a struggle. I should also add that as at then I had not completely healed from some of my childhood experiences.

Fast forward to uni days, I met guys that loved the Lord and were really good looking. Lol. “Nothing more beautiful than being with a man who loves the Lord and is good looking too.” Gosh, I have to say that twice! Lol. Anyway, as it is popularly believed, ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’

Really, I’ve seen fyyynnnn guys. No gainsaying, God sure has fine sons, abeg. Wait. Remember back then on campus, all those fine pastors? Remember how they looked in their well styled outfits?! Ok, I think I need to calm down. 

I remember back then on my campus, we used to have this UJCM exam prayers which umbrellaed every Christian Fellowship on campus, so you get to see all those fine pastors. To finish somebody, they will now set a place aside for all of them to sit together. As though to make matters worse the ushers would sometimes direct me to sit somewhere close, and oh Jesus! See, no be say you no born again, but then even you sef go know say glory, anointing, and finesse dey drip from their side, lol.  Don’t you even try to judge me. 

*** 

Like I said earlier on, I met great guys and some of them were really good friends who desired more than friendship. Truth is, I was attracted to a couple of them who also did not want me as more than a friend.

So you see, getting into a relationship with someone has to be a mutual decision, and as believers it must be influenced by a higher authority, GOD. I’ve had to say ‘no’ to many guys. Good guys I must confess. Excellent men, men who love the Lord and were doing well generally. A couple of them were pastors, not all. Personally, I desire to be married to a man who loves the Lord and is serving Him, not necessarily a pastor.

Ok, so Ife if you’ve had good Christian guys ask you out and with marriage in view, why then have you never been in a relationship?

Well, let’s just say I think it’s not just enough that they love God and they’re good looking. 

You may have to say ‘no’ to guys who love God and probably even those who have other things you desire in your man, because you have no witness from the Holy Spirit of God on your inside. 

For some of the guys that I said ‘no’ to in my uni days and post uni, it was because I did not have a release from the Holy Spirit to say ‘yes’. Not because they were not good enough. In fact, I had to say ‘no’ to a couple of Christian guys that I was very much attracted to. Love, and mutual attraction is important, but conviction from the Lord is also very important. You don’t want to go into a relationship uncertain that you and God are on the same page as regards the matter. Personally, I do not buy into the idea of “let’s see how it goes.” So if I wasn’t sure God was giving me a go ahead, I wouldn’t give a ‘yes’ just because they love God and I feel attracted to them.

I would also like to add that I am a soft person to an extent, so early enough the Lord helped me to understand I could not afford to give a ‘yes’ to any man, but the man I was sure God was giving me a go ahead about.

It’s not been an easy path, but it’s been a peaceful one knowing fully well that I have God in my boat. If you read my first and third blog, you’ll understand that I’m not here to say that it’s been an entirely rosy journey. 

Ok, back to the real gist. I’m not single because guys don’t come… Right now I pray for anyone reading this who is experiencing marital delay and has never been proposed to, right now your garden is opened up by the power of the Holy Ghost, and the fragrance of your spices flow out in Jesus’ name. Amen. This prayer is also potent for people who are in a season of life where God is about to establish them maritally. May the Lord open the eyes of the brother to see and behold God’s Masterpiece and glory. May the Lord cause his nostrils to take in the beautiful fragrance from the spices in your garden in Jesus’ name. Amen. (See Song of Sol. 4:12-16) 

God has a plan. Not every Abba’s son is for you. In the same way, you aren’t meant for every Christian guy. No. 

I dare to quote my pastor (paraphrased though), “There is no one single person for you. The will of God for you is the person whom He has been preparing for you. Good news is that even if the person says ‘no’ or maybe they eventually walk out of your life, God is still able to give you someone else who is prepared for you.” 

Please, note that God doesn’t impose His will on us. He allows us to make our choices. He is GOD, not a witch or manipulator. 

Dear Abba’s Daughter, God has someone really special for every of His children who desire marriage. Someone that really suits His calling upon your life. Someone who will make your walk with God creamier and sweeter, goodness! God is that good! I know I’m not the only one that thinks dating casually or dating just to while away time isn’t for them. Hey, don’t you beat up yourself again thinking you’re weird because you’ve never been in a relationship, or probably you even think you have missed the one for you because you’ve said ‘no’ to some guys in the past. You probably said ‘no’ because you knew, ‘This is just not it.’ That you said ‘no’ to them doesn’t mean they’re not worthy of your person.

I must add at this point that we need to be as polite and respectful as we can be when saying ‘no’ to a guy, because receiving a ‘no’ might be really crushing for some guys. To the extent that they may even think, “Oh, she thinks I’m not worthy of her or… (you can fill in the gap).” 

So, whether you’re a lady or a guy reading this right now and you’re thinking, “Oh my God, I think I probably have missed the one for me,” because you’ve received ‘no’ severally or because you’ve said ‘no’ to guys, please, stop it. Even if you feel like you missed an opportunity, that is not the end of your book. God indeed has loads and loads of beautiful chapters written in that book of yours. 

One thing is important in your single season, stay in the Secret Place. I mean, it’s the safest place to be. It is a place of complete surrender and wild peace beyond human comprehension.

Humm…to say that it’s always exciting to stay in the Secret Place would almost be a lie. Maybe you should go watch the movie, War Room. Lol. Someone once said that staying in the Secret Place is first a discipline before it becomes a delight. Oh, I think that’s so true!

I don’t believe that someone who is entirely surrendered to God can miss it in their marital choice. No, it’s not possible, not when you have the Holy Spirit. You may want to say that it's possible to have the Holy Spirit and still make terrible choices maritally or maybe you have examples around you. That’s fine, however, I’ll like to add that those persons most likely did not listen to the Holy Spirit at some points. Maybe I should rephrase what I said earlier. “Someone who is entirely (marriage inclusive) yielded to the Holy Spirit of God cannot miss it maritally. No. Never.” 

The problem is that some people try to take God out of the equation, and then introduce Him into the equation after making their choice of a life partner. When God indeed is the Mastermind of marriage itself.

You may want to say the prayer I said about a year ago, “Dad, do not give me the man that I think I like, or the man that I think I need. Please, give me the man You know I need, the man You know I should want.” I actually said that prayer when I was in a cloudy situation and needed to make a decision. The prayer is beyond the lines. It’s you simply saying, “Lord, thy will be done, not mine.” That was pretty hard, but worth it. 

Dear Abba’s Daughter, listen. GOD CAN NEVER GET STRANDED. He is the way, the truth, and the life. If you know Him and abide in Him, you will never be cut short. Never. He is too faithful to fail. 

I know it’s an anthem already, but let’s sing it together anyway, “Please, be busy for God while you wait on God in your single season. Chase your one thousand now.” And should I add that being busy for God isn’t about going up and down, running from one ministration or activity to another. No, being busy for God is staying in the Secret Place, and then running with the instructions received per time. God is too faithful to fail. If He has said it, then He will do it. He has a track record of keeping His Word. He’s not about to stop doing it now… (an excerpt from Olorun Agbaye song by Nathaniel Bassey)

He has a plan. He has someone for you! My Father is Love Himself. Don’t you gerritt?? Lol.

Now, take a deep breath and say this out loud to yourself, “My Father, I mean LOVE Himself has someone really special for me, in good time He’s going to send him to me, and it’s going to be sooooo beautiful!” It’s more than just a prayer, it is a declaration of faith, and an affirmation of your complete trust in God.

In good time that fine bobo will come and sweep you off your feet. The good thing is that he’ll take you even deeper into the presence of your ABBA. Isn’t that beautiful?? Of course, it is! Lol. His embrace will bring you closer to God, that’s the way God planned it to be.

If you desire marriage and know that it’s God’s will for you (Marriage is actually optional. See I Corinthians chapter 7), hold on to God irrespective of what is now.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

God has a son for you. A kingdom son. Like a dear friend once said in a conversation with him, “Your marriage will be a worship to God.”

Hold on, Dear ABBA’s Daughter.

Love,

Your Sister-in-Abba

Recommendations:

Songs

v Highlands - Hillsong UNITED

v Goodness of God - Bethel Music

v King of My Heart – Michael W Smith